Ive been wanting to write something a little less nature and little more urban and you got there before me...
one thing Ive noticed is that theres a lot of clucking that goes on peoples blogs - youd be forgiven for thinking that every ku that gets written is a work of genius (including mine sometimes) - good for the ego, bad for a million other reasons
ignore this if you want - but I reckon theres a lot of potential in this one as a haiku but its not quite there...
if youre interested, check out the stuff under 'essays' at dagosans blog http://dagosanshaikudiary.blogspot.com/ (see the bit on 'tell ems')
otherwise, happy to pull my head in and say this is a fine, descriptive piece of nanolit
Ive been wanting to write something a little less nature and little more urban and you got there before me...
ReplyDeleteone thing Ive noticed is that theres a lot of clucking that goes on peoples blogs - youd be forgiven for thinking that every ku that gets written is a work of genius (including mine sometimes) - good for the ego, bad for a million other reasons
ignore this if you want - but I reckon theres a lot of potential in this one as a haiku but its not quite there...
if youre interested, check out the stuff under 'essays' at dagosans blog http://dagosanshaikudiary.blogspot.com/ (see the bit on 'tell ems')
otherwise, happy to pull my head in and say this is a fine, descriptive piece of nanolit
maybe it needs a comma or dash for the last line, or something more descriptive for being underwire, like cower or hacked or cut
ReplyDeletethanks for the constructive oberservation