16 August 2008

gossamer needles /
..........,,,,.sail /
.....in drizzle mist
at

2 comments:

  1. David8/20/08, 5:14 AM

    Hi

    [gossamer] - the word is over elaborate.

    [light, sharp, magnetic, tall, strong] are stronger premodifiers

    needles
    sail
    in drizzle mist - these lines are great.

    Hope you don't mind my comment.

    D



    just a thought

    ReplyDelete
  2. comrade harps8/20/08, 4:36 PM

    I see what you mean, so then I'd write it as:

    needles sail
    in drizzle mist

    Thanks for the comment. My first feedback, and positive criticism too.

    There is such a thing as over elaborate brevity.

    ReplyDelete

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